some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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