ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
