what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
