Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
