Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize