What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
