Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
