tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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