Whod you bang
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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