Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
