I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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