and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
