I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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