so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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