Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
