did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
