i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Pants are for mortals
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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