The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
