i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
