Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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