how can u be prego again
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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