it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
