I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
