He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
