Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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