so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hippo gnu deer
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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