I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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