you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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