You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
