my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
