idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
