The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize