so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
