You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
