Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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