You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
