We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
even my farts smell like vagina
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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