oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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