My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
