hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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