I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We talked him into tasing himself.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
