Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
