I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
