I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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