I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
