you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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