$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
