I think I won the penis lottery.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
