Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
did i walk over a car last night?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
