i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
