This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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