you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
