i think my mom watched the whole time
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
