we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize