Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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