So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize