My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
