Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
