My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
