she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
