i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
