I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
