im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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