Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
