shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
