so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
