So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
